Important! About Your Chimney & 2nd Coming of Santa Clause
⁘ “Do you have a moment? I want to talk about your chimney. And the second coming of Santa Clause. Have you been keeping your chimney neat and clean? The little elves have been telling me that maybe you haven't. Have you been a naughty child?”
Of the red essence nugget from Santa's right nostril,
Rudolf the Red-Nose Reindeer was born.
"This dude sounds raving mad.
He must be certifiable."
So I do actually have a number of certificates in the secret closet.
Reborn Gnostic Baptist.
A Hindu Incarnation.
Specifically the Unicorn Fish.
A Backwards Reincarnating Bodhisattva.
But let's not go off on a tangent here.
I want to talk about your chimney.
Have you been keeping your chimney neat and clean?
Because the little elves have been telling me that maybe you haven't.
And then, what then, when the promised day comes, when prophecies are fulfilled,
when Santa Claus descends from the clouds with the hosts of heaven in a glorious blazer.
All ready to plunge down that chimney of yours with a big bag of gifts.
How do you think that's gonna go?
No candy or goodies for you, my friend.
You've been a naughty child.
Santa will simply squat on the edge of your chimney
and take a dump straight into your crown chakra.